One of our favorite things to do when the weather gets hot as hell is to rewatch Marilyn Monroe movies, starting of course with “The Seven Year Itch,” a film about a sweltering heatwave as metaphor for a man’s internal struggle: to cheat on his wife with Marilyn Monroe on the hottest day of the year, or to stay faithful?
Despite that horrendous-sounding plot, it’s a fantastic film that does a good job of bringing out what’s best about Monroe: her talent for vulnerability, comedy, and simply *being* onscreen. In “Itch,” she personifies the heatwave itself. She’s a force of nature setting the world on fire without even knowing it.
For this reason, I like to take my cooling-off tips from Monroe herself. So without further ado, I bring you the best ways to stay cool during an L.A. summer, via “The Seven Year Itch.”
TIP 1:Do Not Go Outside
I repeat, DO NOT go outside. This is by far the best way to stay cool in L.A. Luckily, between air-conditioned cars, homes, and offices, you could spend all summer feeling pretty breezy without much effort. But for those who simply can’t spend all summer indoors:
TIP 2: Find an A/C Unit and Never Abandon Your Post
Even if that AC unit happens to have a hideous wooden mallard sculpture sitting on top of it.
TIP 3: Put Your Undies in the Icebox
This is without a doubt one of the key takeaways of “The Seven Year Itch.” If we can learn nothing else from a rather dated, sexist, and racist movie about how hard it is to not cheat on your wife of seven years, we can at the very least take home this pearl of wisdom rattled off by Marilyn in the first few minutes of the film.
Take it from Rock Hudson: underwear feels better fresh out of the fridge.
TIP 4: Take Constant Showers
This may be the oldest trick in the book. For those of you who don’t have AC, your best bet is to find a body of water (or stream, or sprinkling) and stay there for three months. We’ll wake you up in September.
TIP 5: Wear an Exquisite All-Pink Tracksuit
What can we say, that shit looks breezy!
TIP 6: Wear Nothing at All
Need we say more?
TIP 7: Put Your Jewelry in the Icebox
If wearing ice-cold underwear isn’t doing the trick, just think about how nice some ice-cold bling would feel on your wrist, arms and neck. Try it! And remember, (freezing cold) diamonds are, during a hot summer in L.A., very easily a girl’s (or guy’s) best friend.